Back into the dating game...

Okay...so I recently became single. Once again thrown into the dating pool by someone who probably didn't deserve me anyway. Not that I'm the greatest person in the world, but I gave my heart and soul into that relationship, and even gave up my life as I knew it for him. I moved across the country, only to be sent home, and dumped a month after I got here. Ehhh...fuck it...I'm over it.

So, back into the game I go. I've met a couple guys, been on a few dates. I'm finding that, though I'm attracted to people, I'm just not into it the way I should be. I'm still my friendly, cheerful self. But, it's like I turned my heart off, and it's too dark for anyone to find the on switch. Does that make any sense?

I'd like to know what it's like to feel again. I really would. The only happiness I feel now is happiness that I've given to myself. As good as that is for a person, you can only tolerate being happy alone for so long. Still, I'm trying to figure out just what it would take for me to really feel again. So, I've been thinking about this today.

I don't have extremely high standards, I don't think. We need to be attracted to eachother. We have to be able to laugh at eachother and at ourselves. I don't think that is too much to ask. I don't expect a man to always pay my way as nice as that can be. I was raised to take care of myself, and I do that just fine most of the time.

I think what I need is for someone to just sweep me off of my feet. To do something unexpected and romantic. To surprise me. Something I wouldn't see coming. I mean...I wouldn't want this all the time mind you. There wouldn't be any excitement in it that way. But, maybe something like that might bring warmth back to my heart again.

I guess we shall see...